LOVE AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN
Have you been hopping from one relationship to the next? Wondering why things don’t work out no matter how much you try to love a person? Most relationship experts will tell you that communication is the key to solving issues in a relationship. Although that is true, there are other factors which we must understand in order to be able to communicate better and be better spouses hence creating a harmonious relationship.
I purchased a book by Gary Chapman entitled ‘The five love languages’ which I must say was one of my best buys ever. As an avid reader, you seldom come across books that teach you something unique that you haven’t read before but Chapman gave me a gift that I cannot forget. In it, Chapman gives the general perspective of most relationship experts but what makes his book stand out are the five primary languages of love which he says are essential for any relationship. He explains that most relationships end not because we don’t love each other but because we don’t understand that as individuals we have that one primary love language which makes us feel valued and loved in a relationship.
Simply put, while for you having your spouse cook & clean up after you may make you feel loved, for him or her having you sit on the couch and spend time with them uninterrupted may make them feel totally loved. Chapman identifies the 5 primary love languages as follows; physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, quality time and words of affirmation. Take your time, think of that one thing that made your partner smile. It could have been a compliment, going out to dinner with them, washing their car, holding their hand or that bouquet of roses that had them blushing so much that their cheeks felt way warmer than usual. It is when you’ve identified what your spouse likes and appreciates that you learn how to make them feel important, loved, cherished and possibly transform your relationship.
Spontaneity is crucial of course, but the main idea is to get what makes your partner feel loved, what works for them. However, these gestures that you do for your partner shouldn’t be once-off things because there is nothing more painful than being introduced to something and having that thing taken from you with absolutely no warning. Before you can master your spouse’s primary love language, you should understand that there is no way you can express it just once and expect everything to be perfect. This type of thing requires more commitment than effort because it’s about making the person you love feel cherished throughout your life, not just once a week, month or year. Get this, if for your spouse gift giving is their primary love language, it doesn’t mean you should go out and buy something expensive. It’s not so much about how much you spend as it is about the thought or gesture. If your spouse feeds off words of affirmation, learn to give compliments or encouragement in a random manner rather than sounding like you rehearsed those compliments or you’re reading them from somewhere.
Love is a choice and it’s when we don’t give up on our spouses that the choice becomes worthwhile. So today, instead of throwing in the towel, think about your spouse and which primary love language works for them and work your magic. Love, and be merry! After all, the bible says that ‘And now these three remain; faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love’ 1st Corinthians 13; 13.
By;
Lebogang Motlalekgosi
