Being in a relationship with someone who is still emotionally attached to their ex can be frustrating and painful. Whether they constantly talk about their past relationship, compare you to their ex, or seem unable to move on, their obsession can create tension and insecurity. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to address it in a healthy way. Here’s how to deal with a partner who is still fixated on their ex.
1. Recognize the Signs of Obsession
Before taking action, it’s important to identify whether your partner is genuinely obsessed with their ex or if they’re simply processing their past. Some red flags include:
- Frequently bringing up their ex in conversation
- Comparing you to their ex (positively or negatively)
- Keeping sentimental items from their past relationship (like love letters, gifts, or photos)
- Stalking their ex on social media or staying overly involved in their life
- Getting overly emotional when talking about their past relationship
- Prioritizing their ex’s feelings or needs over yours
If your partner exhibits these behaviors, they may not be fully over their previous relationship.
2. Have an Honest Conversation
Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away. Instead, have an open and honest discussion with your partner about how their behavior makes you feel.
- Express your feelings without attacking them: “I feel uncomfortable when you constantly talk about your ex because it makes me feel like I’m not enough.”
- Ask them to be honest about their emotions: “Do you still have unresolved feelings for your ex?”
- Observe their reaction. If they become defensive or dismissive, it could indicate deeper attachment issues.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
If your partner is still hung up on their ex, setting boundaries can help create emotional space. Some boundaries to consider:
- Asking them to limit conversations about their ex
- Reducing unnecessary contact with their ex (especially if it’s not about co-parenting or mutual responsibilities)
- Encouraging them to remove reminders of their past relationship from their daily life
Boundaries should be clear and reasonable, not controlling.
4. Evaluate Their Actions, Not Just Their Words
A partner who says they’re over their ex but constantly brings them up or keeps in touch in an unhealthy way may not be telling the full truth. Pay attention to their actions:
- Do they seem genuinely committed to you, or are they emotionally distant?
- Are they making an effort to focus on your relationship?
- Do they still prioritize their ex’s feelings over yours?
If their words don’t match their behavior, their attachment to their ex may still be strong.
5. Encourage Self-Reflection
Sometimes, people don’t realize how much emotional baggage they’re carrying. If your partner seems unaware of their obsession, encourage them to reflect on their feelings.
- Suggest they journal or talk to a therapist about their unresolved emotions.
- Ask them to consider why they’re holding onto the past—are they struggling with closure? Fear of moving on?
Helping them process their emotions can make it easier for them to let go.
6. Avoid Competing with Their Ex
It’s tempting to try to “outshine” their ex or prove you’re better, but this only feeds into their obsession. Instead, focus on building a strong, independent relationship with your partner.
- Don’t let their ex become the center of your conversations or arguments.
- Show them what a healthy, fulfilling relationship looks like.
- Remind them why they chose to be with you in the first place.
7. Know When to Walk Away
If your partner is unwilling to change or their obsession with their ex is damaging your self-esteem and happiness, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
- A partner who is emotionally unavailable can prevent you from experiencing a fulfilling relationship.
- If they are still in love with their ex, they may not be capable of fully committing to you.
- You deserve to be with someone who values and prioritizes you.
Dealing with a partner who is obsessed with their ex can be exhausting, but open communication, boundaries, and patience can help. However, if their attachment to the past is preventing your relationship from thriving, don’t be afraid to put yourself first. You deserve a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and secure.
