Across all societies a woman is expected to give birth and nurture children to adulthood. This belief often carries an assumption that as a woman gets to parent, they are equipped with parenting skills. However, if you speak to any mother, chances are that they will tell you that they knew nothing about parenting until they were pregnant or became parents. With this established, I found it necessary to raise questions for mothers as well as moms-to-be. As a mother-to-be, are you well equipped with encouraging words and skills to empower those princes and princesses you are about to bring into the world? Are you ready to be their guide through dark times and their proud parent through the successes?
You don’t have to answer these questions but before you make any assumptions that will lead you to thinking that you’d make a bad parent, let me enlighten you on some things that you may not necessarily be aware of. Through transformation of society, institutions such as schools have assumed the role of parents and the family. By this I mean that, in today’s society, our children are socialised in schools rather than in the home as in the past. It is in school that our children encounter different personalities and it is in these very schools that children develop their own identities which are why sometimes there is often a barrier between parents and children. Today’s society has transformed so much that our children want to become what they see in the media, they want to copy all those singers and models so don’t be surprised when your daughter or son changes their way of dressing and assume certain behaviours. As parents, we are responsible for shaping our children into young adults who are responsible and although I had mentioned that our children are now socialised in schools, it is never too late to socialise a child in the home. Therefore, if you are unimpressed by the way she or he has been dressing, you have the power to help your child become their own person and not the person they see in the media.
The bible states that if you teach a child something, they will carry out that teaching throughout their lives. For me, I believe that this could go either way, it could be a negative teaching or a positive one that they carry throughout life. As a mother, you have the ability to help your child realise their individuality. All it takes is understanding that whatever you teach them, they will carry throughout their lives. The difference between a mother who compliments her daughter and one who criticises her is quite massive. Imagine this, if you compliment a child, you make them feel good about themselves, you give them assurance that they are appealing hence boosting their self-esteem. However, if you say to a child ‘you look fat in that dress’ you are saying to them that they aren’t good enough. And even if that child liked the dress, she is likely to leave the dress because mommy says she is not good enough. This child may become shy, conservative and think that they aren’t good enough hence have low self-esteem. Just like grown-ups, children have emotions, just like grown-ups, the way they are talked to, has either a building up capacity or a shattering capacity.
As parents, we have the power to ultimately groom responsible, assertive, confident and loving children but we also have the power to deter our children from realising their potential through negative things that we communicate to them. Let us learn to differentiate between these two categories, in that way we become better parents and the best part is, if you haven’t been encouraging your child with affirming words, you can start now and witness the transformation!
By;
Lebogang Motlalekgosi
