10 Ways To Let Go Of The Past That Hurts

October 14, 2015

3 minutes read

We’ve all been hurt. You can’t be an adult or teen, alive today who hasn’t experienced some kind of emotional pain. But what you do with that hurt is probably more important than the hurt itself. Would you prefer to get back to being an active liver of life? Or do you prefer to ruminate endlessly about the past and something that cannot be changed?

1. Make The Decision To Let It Go.

Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” Stop reliving the past pain, and stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person.

2. Express Your Pain.

Express the pain the hurt made you feel, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system, like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person. Doing so will also help you understand what specifically your hurt is about.

3. Stop Being The Victim And Blaming Others.

Being the victim feels good, it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.”

4. Focus On The Present.

You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life. When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment.

5. Forgive Them And Yourself.

We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness. Instead, it’s simply saying, “I’m a good person.

6.Understand.

Take time to reflect on your own history as a third party looking in without judgment: simply observe. Understand that you are not your past. Understand that the situations and patterns and people in your life created your experiences, they didn’t create you. Knowing and understanding your past and some of your patterns will help you to recognize why you hold on and repeat self-destructive behaviors.

7. Believe In Yourself.

Believe in your purpose. Believe that the universe is unfolding as it should and that you have a divine roll to play. Believe that holding on does nothing in fact but hold you back from that purpose.

8. Empty Your Cup.

Consciously and actively work at letting go of your story; your judgments and ideals, the material things, all your stuff. They have no real value. They do not make you stronger, healthier or more powerful, and belief in them is a delusion. Pour out your expectations of how, who, where and what you should be as they, too, are part of a story that holds you back from simply being.

9. Accept.

Accept your history and the people that have been a part of your history; accept your circumstances and remember that none of these define you. Acceptance is the first step to letting go and setting yourself free. Learn from the monk in the story: carrying bitterness, anger or animosity burdens no one but you.

10. Meditate.

Find stillness, breathe. Meditation is action. Our mind is much harder to still than our body. Our lives are busy and fast paced, filled with external noise and distractions. Clarity comes from quiet. Meditation, even in small amounts, will make room for the above steps.